Not having a good day

Maybe it's the combination of a winter storm keeping me cooped up inside, attending my first holiday party alone, getting some more bad news about my mom's condition and just feeling overwhelmingly alone. I miss him so much. I feel like I'm faking it when I say that I'm moving on slowly, taking it one day at a time, keeping busy, bettering myself for that next great thing. I'm not. The real me, buried under deep layers of what I think other people expect me to be, is feeling that I've lost the love of my life and nothing will ever be the same again. I had an unbelievably strong urge to call him today, and although I know he wouldn't mind, especially in light of the situation with my mom, it's not a good idea. I'm going to go to my EAP counselor session and see what they have to say before I do anything like that. Today I am very sad. I hope tomorrow will be better.