I don't normally post this kind of yearly review, but 2013 really ended up kind of sucking, so I will indulge myself and potentially scare of the 2.2 readers I do have by whinging. :) There were some bright lights too, as not to be too depressing.
January - July (and the last 2 months of 2012)
Trying to conceive, doing everything short of standing on my head and wondering what is wrong with me.
Mr. Fancy Pants fertility doctor says that of course it's my age and couldn't be anything or anyone else.
My baby cousin is born. He didn't come along the way anyone envisioned, and has a few hurdles to leap over but he is overall healthy and has a good set of lungs. :)
Another baby cousin is born, in perfect health during a fast natural birth.
My dad dies at 66 (nearly 67) from diabetes complications. I still can't believe he is gone. He was survived by his mother, which is definitely not the natural order of things. My mom, who is already mentally fragile and in poor health, is wrecked and we are trying to hold everything together with spit and glue. The stress is overwhelming sometimes. I've had to give up all my extra music outside of work, and sometime I feel chained to my home.
Funeral home. Two viewings. Emotionally exhausting. I was overwhelmed to see the number of people who turned up, some of whom I hadn't seen in years.
Funeral. No one else could stand up and give the eulogy from our immediate family, so I did it. It was hard, but I'm glad I did. JT played the trombone and a cousin played the accordion. It was a lovely service and a befitting send off for dear Dad.
My mom moves into our spare room and the 3 of us start sharing an under 900 square foot condo. This of course does wonders for the likelihood of conception. Big thanks to my sister and brother in law for taking her the first 2 weeks.
Put on a cycle monitoring protocol, to "figure out the problem".
First Argos game without Dad. It was hard to tell everyone in the section that Dad wouldn't be coming to any more games. I wore his Argos cap with pride and only cried a little.
Thanksgiving. First holiday without Dad. HARD. It was like the world was just moving on as if nothing had happened. I knew it would be like this, but I was shocked at how much it hurt.
Ashes scattering at cemetery. The funeral director forgot to bring the ashes because he got the wrong end of the stick in a phone conversation and somehow thought that I would be picking them up from the crematorium in Whitby! He fixed it though, as soon as possible. I cried a lot at the scattering, more than I thought I would.
My friend's 70 something mom fell down the stairs in her home and broke practically everything between her neck and her pelvis. She is thankfully doing much better and is living in a rehab centre for the time being.
Got to play with Cmdr. Hadfield at Roy Thompson Hall. Met him and he signed his book for me. This was a really lovely ray of positivity in the middle of a difficult time.
Finally got off my butt and went to the chiropractor about the numbness and potential never damage in my right hand that kept me from playing. Have been going for treatments regularly and it's much better, but it was scary for a while.
Treated to Swan Lake by a good friend. Another beautiful distraction from a rough couple of months. This is one of my favorite ballets and the music is so lovely.
Had the opportunity to hear a good friend (who has moved to Europe to be an early music superstar) do his thing at a concert in Georgetown. Not only was it great to see him, I am in awe of his talent and passion for his art.
Grey Cup in Regina. Very fun. Another great distraction plus, hadn't seen the in-laws since the wedding. It was very cold though and prompted the immediate purchase of sturdy winter coats for both of us.
Another year older. Now with this notion of "fertility age" in the mix, feeling worse and worse about the passing of time. Thankfully that was mitigated by a lovely dinner at Nervosa and seeing my cousin in law play with his new music percussion quartet.
Mom's condo closing. In between all of the above, we packed, cleaned and staged every inch of the condo, including ripping up the carpet in the bedrooms and laying down hardwood. It was exhausting, but worth it in the end, as the condo was only on the market for 4 HOURS before selling.
Find out that my stats are fine, and we could have been looking into other causes for a whole YEAR.
School concert. This is always a lot of work, but particularly this year, when there were so many other stresses. Mom came to the concert and really enjoyed it.
Christmas quite plainly, sucked. Not just with missing Dad and having to create a whole new set of Christmas traditions so my Mom didn't lose her sh*t but also being surrounded by my family's happy families and just wanting everything to be sorted so I don't feel like a reject all the freaking time.
No resolutions, just the determination that 2014 has got to be better than this crap hole of a year. I will do what I can to make this a reality. I feel badly that I don't have the same time I have had in the past for other things, but I know my friends understand. We have so much ahead of us, listing our place, finding a bigger place that has a separated space for Mom, selling our place, moving but taking it one day at a time is key. I am so lucky to have the world's most patient amazing partner because two heads are better than one. :)
Happy New Year!