Today I went for my first run since my 5K at the end of September. It's absolutely shameful (as useless an emotion as that is) that I've let it lapse as much as it has. I haven't been a total sloth, I've done some walking, mostly home from work, which is 4K away and, before it got to cold, biked to and from as well.
I did 2s and 1s with a final minute sprint followed by upper body weights, crunches and push ups. It was very difficult to get moving but felt really good when I'd finished.
I've come to three conclusions after this morning's workout.
1. I've lost a lot of the gains I worked so hard to achieve. I've put on weight, I've lost muscle mass, endurance and energy. It's depressing and demoralizing.
2. I am FAT. This is not a bad word. The only reason I've put it in bold here is that I've got to stop kidding myself. My whole life I think I've seen myself as skinnier than I actually am. I'm the total opposite of the women on "How to Look Good Naked". If I were to do a Gok line up, I'd probably ruin it for him and the show by putting myself in the line where I thought I belonged and then be too big for that spot! Last night, I was playing Wii Fit at my sister's house, and after the body scan informed me that I was in the obese range based on my age, weight and BMI (it's really sad, your Mii character balloons out to reflect your reading) it wasn't the greatest feeling. True, I have a lot of muscle mass but I also have a lot of fat. I carry it mostly in my upper stomach, directly where the pounds pile on when I've been over-eating and exercising infrequently. I know I'm supposed to practice body self acceptance, but if I'm really honest, I just don't like the way I look these days. That and the fact that I have mountains of clothes in my closet that I would wear, if I wasn't quite so apple shaped. It's not that I want to be a size zero, in fact nothing is further from the truth, not to mention that it's just not possible for me. I just want to be more hourglass than apple.
3. I'm going to try to get back to my previous level of fitness by running three times a week, do more weight and strength training, go to Yoga (another thing that has lapsed dreadfully) and run the Sporting Life 10K in the spring.
Hopefully I won't be sidelined by injury or illness and I'll be able to pick up a few co-conspirators along the way.