Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Eve

It feels weird. It doesn't feel like the holidays at all. I've never been much for this time of year, but last year was the first time I really enjoyed myself. I was in the honeymoon stages of a great new relationship, forging new traditions that I was so looking forward to this year. It's downright depressing. Not to mention I can't stop thinking about if he even cares. If he is affected at all my absence at this time as I am by his. This is also brought on by telling my Italian grandparents yesterday that it was over. They were very disappointed (I'm the oldest grandchild and am now the only one without a relationship) but also don't want me to be unhappy. I tried really hard to be strong, but I cried a little. I'm just so disappointed in the way everything turned out. My grandmother said, "oh, he'll come back in two weeks", which is her way of dealing with the news. I don't know what was worse, telling them initially, or having to convince her afterwards that this wasn't temporary, when I'm still struggling with coming to terms with that fact myself. I hate writing it down, but I'm not looking forward to tomorrow at all. Even though everyone knows and will undoubtedly be sensitive to how I'm feeling, it will still be weird. Anyway we'll see how it goes.

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